Friday, March 10, 2006

Woo hoo! 100th post

Figures I would waste the 100th post on humor. Not that there is anything funny about political correctness, but...

How to Speak About Women and be Politically Correct

  1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
  2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
  3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
  4. She is not DUMB -She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
  5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
  6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
  7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
  8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
  9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
  10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
  11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS -She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
  12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

How to Speak About Men and be Politically Correct

  1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
  2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
  3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
  4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
  5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
  6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
  7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
  8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
  9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
  10. He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

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