Monday, October 03, 2005


This was written after returning from the bathroom to take a pee-pee:

I’ve about had it with rudeness today, especially after just being called rude myself. Here is the situation:

  • I need to pee, I also need to fart – so instead of polluting my new office and thrusting foul odors on my co-workers (whom I all like) I go to the bathroom; seems logical.
  • I walk into the bathroom, choose the far urinal, unzip and start tinkling
  • Another dude enters to take a leak
  • While emptying my bladder I empty the foul gasses from my digestive track saying "excuse me".
  • The dude next to me says "dude, that’s rude" – and he’s serious

It’s a men’s restroom in a public building. It’s in a basement where foul gasses are always present either from the pipes and sewers underneath and/or from other people in the building far more capable of delivering colonic death biscuits than I.

Where else am I supposed to fart? Do I go running out in the elements? Do the taxpayers foot the bill for an exhaust system?

This goes with three instances earlier in the day where people were rude to me.

One. Walking to the gym for lunch I’m bowled into a woman twice my size who elbow-knifed her way to get through a door before I. I excused myself. She either didn’t hear me, recognize her rudeness, or perhaps spoke a different language than I – maybe "sasquatch" or something like that. No big deal, though.

Two. I am crossing a street (using a cross walk). I look back to see if anybody is turning right. Nobody is turning right so I proceed forward jogging toward the green "WALK" sign on the other side. Suddenly brakes hit and a horn follows. Some woman is looking at me with angry eyes. I point to the light, her car then myself saying "green light, no turn signal, rightaway". She replies "whatevah" then zooms around me into the oncoming traffic lane.

Three. I come jogging up to an exit, there is a nice car (black Mercedes) sitting there. I look in the car, some yuppie is dialing a cell phone number. I look at traffic, the guy can go. He doesn’t. I wait a few moments, make a "go" gesture with my hand, wait another moment, then quickly start across. Again, brakes and a look of "what?" on this yuppie’s face (still attached to a cell phone).

I could have potentially been run over by another cell-phone disabled driver but I wasn’t going to test my luck.

1 comment:

Mike said...

The problem is, you should have not said "excuse me"